ADVICE TO DOGS

1 After your humans give you a bath, don't let them towel dry you!
Instead, run to their bed, jump up and dry yourself on the sheets.
This is especially good if it's right before your humans' bedtime.

2 Act like a convicted criminal. When the humans come home,
put your ears back, tail between your legs, chin down and act
as if you have done something really bad. Then, watch as the
humans frantically search the house for the damage they think
you have caused.

3 Hide from your humans. When your humans come home,
don't greet them at the door. Instead, hide from them.
and make them think something terrible has happened to you.
(Don't reappear until one of your humans is panic-stricken
and close to tears).

4 Wake up 20 minutes before the alarm clock is set to go
off and make the humans take you out. As soon as you get
back inside, fall asleep. (Humans can rarely fall back asleep
after going outside; this will drive them nuts!)

THE TOP 20 REASONS...DOGS DO NOT USE COMPUTERS

20. Can't stick their heads out of Windows '95.

19. Fetch command not available on all platforms.

18. Hard to read the monitor with your head
cocked to one side.

17. Too difficult to "mark" every website they visit.

16. Can't help attacking the screen when they hear
"You've Got Mail."

15. Fire hydrant icon simply frustrating.

14. Involuntary tail wagging is dead giveaway they're
browsing www.pethouse.com instead of working.

13. Keep bruising noses trying to catch that JPEG frisbee.

12. Not at all fooled by Dogmore Screen Saver.

11. Still trying to come up with an "emoticon" that
signifies tail-wagging.

10. Oh, but they WILL... with the introduction of the
Microsoft OpposableThumb.

9. Three words: Carpal Paw Syndrome

8. 'Cause dogs ain't GEEKS! Now, cats, on the other hand...

7. Barking in next cube keeps activating YOUR voice
recognition software.

6. SmellU-SmellMe still in beta test.

5 SIT and STAY were hard enough, GREP and AWK
are out of the question!

4. Saliva-coated mouse gets mighty difficult to manuever.

3. Annoyed by lack of newsgroup, alt.pictures.master's.leg.

2. Butt-sniffing more direct and less deceiving than
online chat rooms.

and the Number 1 Reason Dogs Don't Use Computers...

1. TrO{gO DsA[M,bN HyAqR4tDc TgrOo TgYPmE
WeIjTyH P;AzWqS,. *

(source: David Letterman Show)

THE STRAY

A DAY IN THE LIFE OF A YOUNG DOG

This morning, I woke up & kissed my dad's head.
I peed on the carpet, then went back to bed.
"The life of a puppy, oh my, this is great.
" Then I thought about breakfast, " I hope it's not late."
Mom took me outside, we walked for a while.
This never fails, to make Mama smile.
I sniffed of everything, that we did pass,
I ate something weird -- it gave me gas.

I'm sure God loves me,
I know that is true.
He gave me so many great things to chew.
Rugs, plants or rocks, I really don't care.
What I truly like best, is Dad's underwear.

That obedience book, was sort of yummy.
Though it didn't sit well on my poor puppy tummy.
I threw up a bit, but that was all right,
When Mom found it later, I was well out of sight.

I made streamers of T.P., while running at full speed.
Mom's pretty quick -- but I was still in the lead.
I flew under the bed, and Mom flew past,
She stopped -- shook her head, and breathed,
"You're too fast."

Mama later phoned Daddy, and said,
"It was frightening!"
That afternoon, she was sure I'd pooped lighting.
She'd sat at the computer, while I chewed the cord,
She thought I was mad, but I was just bored.

When Mama had enough, couldn't take anymore,
That's when my tushy got shoved out the door.
I love it inside, but outside is best.
Lay in the cool grass, and had a good rest.

That didn't last long, there was too much to do-
Can't quite remember where I hid Daddy's shoe.
I found an old bone, and scratched at a flea,
I watched the dumb squirrels as they jumped in a tree.

I barked at the kids, when they got off the bus.
I can't figure out why this makes Mama fuss.
I barked at the neighbor, I barked at the wind.
I barked and barked, till Mom yelled, "COME IN."

The sun dipped in the west-soon Daddy would come!
I sure love my daddy: we always have fun.
I barked at my daddy, then turned on my charms,
I woo-wooed, "Hello," then jumped in his arms.

Sitting under the table --it's sooo hard to wait.
Daddy slipped me a goodie right off his plate.
I raced through the house, and scattered my toys,
Ricocheted off the furniture, and made lots of noise.

Mom found her purse -- the one I abused.
Daddy let loose a chuckle. Mom asked "Amused??"
I cowered down low, I must be in trouble.
Dad said, "Wasn't MY boy, it must be his double!"

Mom turned off the TV, and said,
"Time for bed."
Dad said "Let's go boy," and patted my head.
I got in my spot, between Mom and Dad,
I thought 'bout my day and what fun I had.

Mama kicked out my bone from the covers below,
Then let loose a sigh -- a sigh deep and low.
She gave me a kiss, and snuggled me tight,
and whispered so softly,
"My darling, goodnight."

~author unknown~

THE LIFE OF A PUPPY

This morning, I woke up & kissed my dad's head.
I peed on the carpet, then went back to bed.
"The life of a puppy, oh my, this is great."
Then I thought about breakfast," I hope it's not late."
Mom took me outside, we walked for a while.
This never fails to make Mama smile.
I sniffed of everything, that we did pass,
I ate something weird - it gave me gas.

I'm sure God loves me, I know that is true.
He gave me so many great things to chew.
Rugs, plants or rocks, I really don't care.
What I truly like best, is Dad's underwear.

That obedience book, was sort of yummy.
Though it didn't sit well on my poor puppy tummy.
I threw up a bit, but that was all right,
When Mom found it later, I was well out of sight.

I made streamers of T. P., while running at full speed.
Mom is pretty quick -- but I was still in the lead.
I flew under the bed, and Mom flew past,
She stopped-shook her head, and breathed,
"You're too fast."

Mama later phoned Daddy, and said, "It was frightening!"
That afternoon, she was sure I'd pooped lightning.
She'd sat at the computer, while I chewed the cord,
She thought I was mad, but I was just bored.

When Mama had enough, couldn't take anymore,
That's when my tushy got shoved out the door.
I love it inside, but outside is best.
Lay in the cool grass, and had a good rest.

That didn't last long, there was too much to do--
Can't quite remember where I hid Daddy's shoe.
I found an old bone, and scratched at a flea,
I watched the dumb squirrels as they jumped in a tree.

I barked at the kids, when they got off the bus.
I can't figure out why this makes Mama fuss.
I barked at the neighbor, I barked at the wind.
I barked and barked, till Mom yelled, "COME IN."

The sun dipped in the west-soon Daddy would come!
I sure love my daddy: we always have fun.
I barked at my daddy, then turned on my charms,
I woo-wooed, "Hello," then jumped in his arms.

Sitting under the table -- it's sooo hard to wait.
Daddy slipped me a goodie right off his plate.
I raced through the house, and scattered my toys,
Ricocheted off the furniture, and made lots of noise.

Mom found her purse - the one I abused.
Daddy let loose a chuckle. Mom asked "Amused??"
I cowered down low, I must be in trouble.
Dad said, "Wasn't MY boy, it must be his double!"

Mom turned off the TV, and said,"Time for bed."
Dad said "Let's go boy," and patted my head.
I got in my spot, between Mom and Dad,
I thought 'bout my day and what fun I had.

Mama kicked out my bone from the covers below,
Then let loose a sigh -- a sigh deep and low.
She gave me a kiss, and snuggled me tight,
And whispered so softly, 'My darling goodnight'.

~Unknown~

AQUARIUS PET

January 20th - February 18th

Is extremely independent
Is particularly striking or good-looking
Has virtually no attention span
Often moves around nervously and aimlessly
Is exceedingly vivacious
Is friendly to everyone...but in a rather superficial way
Would rather be outside than inside
Frequently appears to be insecure...not always acting with confidence and/or certainty
Is erratic, excitable and/or neurotic
Usually seems to be happy, although bouts of depression do appear to be experienced from time to time
Occasionally appears to be scatter-brained
Rarely remains still
Is good-natured
Likes to socialize with people and other animals
Runs chiefly on nervous energy
Prone to suffer from weak or pronounced ankles
Is emotionally unstable and/or extrememly sensitive
Is skittish and insecure
Does not like the dark
Likes to "cuddle up" next to or near electrical appliances or wires

AQUARIUS: THE FRIEND

The Aquarius Dog is determined (albeit in a quiet and inoffensive way) to unearth the truth about everything and everyone. To this canine, knowing a little about anything is tantamount to knowing nothing at all. Thus, he or she can easily be demanding when it comes to sought-after knowledge, but can be aggravatingly slow if an owner is trying to get from Point "A" to Point "B" in a hurry. Thorough, slow, deliberate and painstaking, the Aquarius Dog possesses a stubborn streak that is liable to drive even the mildest of owners quite crazy. Often, this dog possesses traits that even other canines find to be quite peculiar. Usually well-built and often on the tall side for his or her particular breed standard, the Aquarius Dog will have eyes that are deep and widely set apart. The expression is invariably tranquil and on occasion, the head of this dog appears to droop...almost as though the thoughts twirling around inside were all too heavy. This canine makes for a good house dog, being steady and calm, not given to rushing around and creating havoc or chaos. The Aquarius Dog will quietly get on with life...investigating, discovering and wondering. What an owner finds, when he or she catches up with this dog, may well be chaotic, but will have been created peacefully with a definite air of detachment.

The Aquarius Dog enjoys working in the entertainment field...as a circus performer or taking part in a television series...and sometimes appears to be more human than canine in species. However, the heart of this dog truly lies with his or her own kind and this canine is never more delighted than when he or she is running with the pack...albeit somewhat erratically. The happiest Aquarius Dog is one who has been given as much freedom as possible for this dog adores to be allowed off the leash. Social interaction is where the Aquarius Dog really comes into his or her own. The home of this dog is likely to be full of his or her friends and acquaintances...not all of whom will necessarily be of the canine persuasion. The most humane of the species, people are most assuredly this dog's "thing" and he or she will get on brilliantly with an owner...as well as with everyone else for that matter.

Natives of both Gemini and Libra will greatly intrigue the Aquarius Dog. The airy mental attitude inherent in these Zodiac Signs toward life makes a perfect foil for the Aquarius Dog, serving to calm this canine to some extent and making him or her stop to think occasionally before leaping to conclusions. There will be some minor friction every now and then, particularly when the stubborn side of the Gemini owner gets in the way, but the Aquarius Dog soon manages to find a way around this obstacle and (as usual) will eventually get his or her own way.

CAPRICORN PET

* Is miserly and possessive with personal belongings and food
* Often petty by nature
* Is extremely intelligent
* Has a manipulative bent to personality
* Rarely becomes sick but, if so, quickly makes a complete recovery
* Is not particularly active
* Is unusally quiet and reclusive
* Possesses a character which is cold, unexpressive and generally inhibited
* Is never mischievous or daring
* Has a difficult time bonding with either animals or humans
* Does not like to play or socialize with other animals...and does not like to play at all, for the most part
* Is very bony in build
* Moves somewhart slowly
* Prone to suffer from tooth problems
* Would rather be inside than outside
* Walks (and moves in general) with a certain amount of caution
* Usually appears depressed
* Prone to suffer from skin ailments
* Possesses an angular (or square) face regardless of breed or species

Capricorn: THE SOCIAL CLIMBER

Capricorn: THE SOCIALCLIMBER

The Capricorn Dog is driven by ambition and the ability to scale heights. The interest of this canine in...and the understanding of...class and social standing will be totally politically incorrect. With one glance, the Capricorn Dog will sum up a person and no amount of elocution lessons or learned deportment will fool this discerning canine, whose obsession in life is to better his or her present position and move, step-by-step, up the social ladder. Reserved by nature and supremely diplomatic, the Capricorn Dog makes for an amenable pet. It is sometimes said of the Capricorn Dog that he or she looks old from the moment of birth, but improves with age. Canines governed by Capricorn tend to favor those breeds which can withstand cold climates, such as the Saint Bernard or Husky. The practical, earthy nature of Capricorn makes this canine unafraid of hard work but, since these dogs are also ruled by the Planet Saturn, they may take an exceedingly long time to complete anything undertaken. "Walkies" with a Capricorn Dog can be infuriating as he or she forever lags behind. There is also a tendency to be stubborn and the commands or calls of any owner are quite likely to be ignored when this canine does not feel like listening. On the other hand, many of the world's most handsome dogs have been born under this Sign and almost every Capricorn Dog approaches perfection in form and build, regardless of breed. The one flaw of this canine might be an overly-long nose coupled with an underslung jaw.

Problems arise with a Capricorn Dog if his or her living standards fail to improve. The older this canine becomes, the more beset by deep depression he or she will be once realization sets in that there is no possible opportunity for social furtherance. Under such circumstances, the Capricorn Dog is liable to adopt a defeatist attitude and will no longer try to please. Ideally, this canine would prefer to be in a favored position enjoyed by such dogs as the Queen of England's Royal Corgis...in other words, right at the top. When found in an average sort of household, thie Capricorn Dog will begin to work on betterment of the current situation and, without the owner even realizing, this canine will gently nudge his or her human along (for example, the Capricorn Dog will make the house appear so small that a larger one is sought). It is interesting to note that this canine will be particularly eager to please when the owner is dressed in the best of clothing whereas he or she will be nowhere near as cooperative when an owner chooses to slop around in a robe and slippers, dunking donuts into a cup of tea. In good time, the owner of a Capricorn Dog will gradually get the hang of things...standards will rise, new furniture will be purchased and social occasions will become bigger and more lavish. As the human in this relationship becomes more houseproud, then so will the Capricorn Dog, turning into an immaculate member of the family who never puts a paw out of place. When it comes to social interaction, the Capricorn Dog really comes into his or her own. Unlike most other canines, this dog understands that there must be authority if life is to be smooth and comfortable. The Capricorn Dog will accept that humans rule the roost and quickly adopt the role of a most obedient pet.

A Capricorn Dog coupled with a Capricorn owner will make for a splended relationship since both will engage enthusiastically in mutual social climbing, but the most compatible owner will be a native of Virgo. Virgo subjects are sufficiently down-to-earth to keep the more blatant side of the Capricorn Dog under control. Taurus and Libra owners will also get along well with this canine, but Sagittarius would be well-advised to bypass the Capricorn litter.

WALKIN IN A DOGGIE WONDERLAND

Dog tags ring, are you listenin'?

In the lane, snow is glistenin'.

It's yellow, NOT white I've been there tonight,

Marking up my winter wonderland.

Smell that tree? That's my fragrance.

It's a sign for wandering vagrants;

"Avoid where I pee, it's MY pro-per-ty!

Marked up as my winter wonderland."

In the meadow dad will build a snowman,

following the classical design.

Then I'll lift my leg and let it go Man,

So all the world will know that it's mine-mine-mine!

Straight from me to the fence post,

flows my natural incense boast;

"Stay off my TURF, this small piece of earth,

I marked it as my winter wonderland."

~Unknown~

THE DOG'S "REMEMBER LIST"

1. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.

2. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.

3. I will not roll my toys behind the fridge, behind the sofa or under the bed.

4. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house.

5. The mailman is not stealing our stuff.

6. I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in the house when I am about to get sick.

7. I will not throw up in the car.

8. I will not roll on dead turtles, squirrels, birds, worms etc., just because I like the way they smell.

9. When I greet my people's friends the way I greet my own, my people's friends fall over.

10. I will not eat any more Kleenex or napkins and then redeposit them in the backyard after processing.

11. The FedEx guy is not stealing our stuff.

12. I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them.

13. I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red ones, or my people will think I am hemorrhaging.

14. Drooling on my people does not make them more prone to giving me their food.

15. We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I hear one on TV.

16. I will not steal my mom's underwear and dance all over the back yard with it.

17. The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are Mom's and Dad's laps.

18. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.

19. The plastic bags are not chasing me.

20. I will not play tug-of-war with dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.

21. Eating mint flavored dental floss out of the bathroom will result in having a string hanging out of my butt.

22. I will not use "roll around in the dirt" as an option after just getting a bath.

23. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is not an acceptable way of saying hello.

24. The neighbors are not stealing our stuff.

25. I will not fart in my owner's face while sleeping on the pillow next to their head.

26. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt across the carpet.

27. The toilet bowl is not a never-ending water supply and, just because the water is blue, it doesn't mean it is cleaner.

28. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick myself when company is over.

29. Suddenly turning around and smelling my butt can quickly clear a room.

30. The cat is not a squeaky toy so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing.

31. I will not lick my butt and then give my people a kiss.

YOU KNOW YOUR A DOG PERSON WHEN...

*You have a kiddie wading pool in the yard but no small children
*Lintwheels are on your shopping list every week.
*Your freezer containes more dog bones than anything.
*You hang around the dog section of your local bookstore way too often.
*Your non-dog friends won't eat food prepared in your kitchen.
*Your parents refer to your pet as their "grand-dog."
*You have baby gates permanently installed at strategic places around the house but no babies.
*You open your purse and that big bunch of baggies you use for pick-up pops out .
*You skip breakfast so you can walk your dog in the morning before work.
*The trash basket is more or less permanently installed in the kitchen sink, to keep the dog out of it while you're at work.
*You can't see out the passenger side of the windshield because there are dog nose prints all over the inside.
*You don't go to happy hours with co-workers anymore because you need to go home and walk your dog.
*You don't think it's the least bit strange to stand in the back yard chirping "Molly, Pee!" over and over at your dog who tends to play and forget what she's our there for.
*You go to the pet supply store every Saturday because it's one of the very few places that lets you bring your dog inside, and the dog loves to go with you.
*You get an extra long hose on your shower massage just so you can use it to wash the dog in the tub, without making the dog sit hip deep in water.
*You and the dog come down with something flu like on the same day. The dog sees the vet while you settle for an over the counter remedy from the drug store.
*You not only have dog toys strewn about, but your guests also have to be careful not to trip on the dog jumps. (well we gotta exercise them in the winter somehow)
*Your weekend activities are planned around taking your dog for a hike.
*You refer to yourself as "mommy" and "daddy".
*Your dog sleeps with you.
*You'd rather stay home on Saturday night and cuddle your doggies than go to the movies with your sweetie.
*You keep an extra water dish in your second-floor bedroom, in case your dog gets thirsty at night.
*You avoid vacuuming the house as long as possible because the dogs are afraid of the brain-sucker.
*When your dog is getting old and arthritic, and you go buy lumber and build it a small staircase so it can climb onto the bed by itself.
*You shovel a zig-zag path in the back yard snow so your dog can reach all of his favorite places.
*Your have 32 different names for your dogs. Most make no sense but they understand.
*Your dog eats cat poop but you still let him/her kiss you (but not immediately after, of course)
*You never completely finish a piece of steak or chicken so the dog gets some too.
*Poop has become a source of conversation for you and your significant other.
*You are the only idiot walking in the pouring rain because your dog needs his walk.
*You send birthday, anniversary and Christmas cards from your dog.
*You like people who like your dogs. You despise people who don't.
*You lecture people on responsible dog ownership every chance you get.
*You keep eating even though you find a dog hair in your pasta.
*You carry dog biscuits in your pockets all the time.
*You make popcorn just so you can play catch with your dog.
*You talk about your dogs like other people talk about their kids.
*You have your dog pictures on your office desk. (but no one else's).
*Your license plate or license plate frame mentions your dogs.
*You match your furniture, carpet and clothes to your dog.

CHRISTMAS DOG

Tonight's my first night as a watchdog,
And here it is Christmas Eve..
The children are sleeping' all cozy upstairs,
While I'm guarding' the stockin's and tree..
What's *that* now-footsteps on the rooftop?
Could it be a cat or a mouse?
Who's this down the chimney?
A thief with a beard-
And a big sack for robbin' the house?
I'm barkin', I'm growlin', I'm bitin' his butt..
He howls and jumps back in his sleigh.
I scare his strange horses, they leap in the air..
I've frightened the whole bunch away..
~Shel Silverstein~

THE DAY BEFORE CHRISTMAS

'Tis the day before Christmas, and all through the house

The puppies are squeaking an old rubber mouse
The wreath which had merrily hung on the door
Is scattered in pieces all over the floor.
The stockings that hung in a neat little row .
Now boast a hole in each one of the toes.
The tree was subjected to bright-eyed whims,
And now, although splendid, it's missing some limbs.
I catch them and hold them, be good I insist.
They lick me, then run off to see what they've missed. And now as I watch them, the thought comes to me, That theirs is the spirit that Christmas should be. Should Children and Puppies yet show us the way, And teach us the joy that should come with this day? Could they bring the message that's written above, And tell us that, most of all,
Christmas is love!
~author unknown~

THE NIGHT BEFORE DOG-MAS

'Twas the night before Dog-mas, when all through the pound,
Not a puppy was yelping or playing around.
Our leashes were hung by our kennels with care,
In hopes that St. Bernard would soon find us there.

Chihuahuas were curled up all snug in their beds,
While visions of doggie treats danced in their heads.
Max in his collar, on somebody's lap,
Had tucked in his tail for a midwinter's nap.

When outside the room there arose such a clatter,
My ears perked right up to hear what was the matter.
Away to the window I jumped up with glee,
And barked at the shadows that were cast by a tree.

The glow from the moon changed night into day,
And started me thinking, "Woof, woof, time to play".
When, what with my puppy-dog eyes did I see,
But a splendid dog-sled, led by doggies like me!

With a regal furred driver, commanding, not stern.
I yelped to the others, "That must be St. Bern"!
More rapid than greyhounds, our saviors they came,
And we barked and we howled and called them by name.

"There's Duchess! There's King! fat Chance, and bare Buffy!
On Fido, On Scooter! On Rover, and Scruffy!
Go by the red hydrant and run past those trees!
Nothing can stop you, not even some fleas!"

As puppies at play chase after a stick
And race to their masters so lovely and quick,
So out in the field his canines all flew,
Catching the Frisbees that St. Bernard threw.

And then in an instant I heard at the door
The scratching and clawing of each little paw....
As I pulled in my nose and was turning around,
Through the door St. Bernard came in with a bound!

He was dressed all in fur from his head to his tail,
His wood cask adorned with an icing of hail;
A bag of chew toys he had brought in with him,
And his mouth was turned up in what looked like a grin.

His eyes, how they twinkled!
His ears flopped, how merry!
His coat shone like crystal, his nose like a cherry!
His big sloppy mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the fur on his chin was as white as the snow.

The stump of a bone he held tight in his teeth,
And his collar encircled his neck like a wreath.
He had a large face and a furry round belly,
That shook when he barked, like a bowlful of jelly.

He was fluffy and plump, a big cuddly old pooch
And I laughed when I saw him and gave him a smooch!
A wink of his eye and a wag of his tail;
We knew right away we'd have homes without fail.

He howled not a howl, but went straight to his deed,
And took down our leashes that soon we would need.
He opened the door and families stood there,
With children, all smiling, and much love to spare.
He leapt to his sled, to his team gave a call,
And away they all flew as if chasing a ball.

But I heard him exclaim, as he chewed on a bone:
"Happy Dog-mas to all and to all a good home!"

~author unknown~

SCOOPY POO WHERE ARE YOU?

We’re taking doggy for a walk, he starts to sniff around,
He goes around in circles, then he poos upon the ground.

We have our little poo bag and we carefully scoop it in,
We dutifully carry it until we find a bin.

After walking quite some way we still cannot get rid,
Everyone we pass can work out just what doggy did.

We know there is a bin that is a few yards further on,
But when we get up to the spot we find that it has gone.

People start avoiding us and children run away,
Because there is a pong that all around us seems to lay.

We hope to find one pretty soon, I need to scratch my nose,
If I try to use my poo bag hand I’ll end up comatose.

At last we find one and we breathe a huge sigh of relief,
The distance we have had to go is quite beyond belief.

No one has been for quite some time to empty out this bin,
Although it is jam packed we manage just to squeeze it in.

© Yvonne Nowakowski 2009
(have received permission to share)

DOG

A companion, a pal,
A very best friend.

Someone to trust,
To love 'til the end.

Someone to trust,
When feeling blue.

Always a smile,
T'always greet you.

Always a smile,
To dry up your tears.

A person to be there,
To quiet your fears.

A person to be there,
When lonely or sad.

Loving regardless,
If hating or mad.

Loving regardless,
If caring or cruel.

No matter what,
Genius or fool.

No matter what,
They stand by you.

Who is this person,
Have you a clue?

Who is this person?
I'll tell you who.

This is your pet,
That loves through 'n through.

~~ Author Unknown

MISCHIEF PUPPY

I know you really like to watch me run and jump and play,
And I have enough energy to keep it up all day.

You sometimes cannot find me as around the house I sneak,
That is because it’s so much fun when playing hide and seek

I love that game we play when I run off with your tissue,
And everyone is chasing me and shouting my name too.

Play biting with my toys gives me a pleasant appetizer,
But if I’m really honest all your fingers taste much nicer.

Chewing up your puzzle book was really really fun,
You don’t yet know the half of every single thing I’ve done.

That puddle on the kitchen floor is looking rather bad,
And now it springs to mind, it should be on my puppy pad.

My favourite game of all is when I tug upon my rope,
But if you’re trying to tire me out, you haven’t got a hope.

When you’re trying to drag my lead and walk me round the block,
That’s when I sit and have a rest and quietly take stock.

And when it’s time for me to go into my puppy bed,
I think that I’d much rather snuggle up with you instead.

To sleep right in my own bed is what you want me to do,
But I can see that in your bed there’s enough room for two.

When you’re munching food I hear a rumble in my tummy,
Although I have my own to scoff, what you have seems more scrummy.

I look at you intently with my head upon your lap,
Knowing that you’re bound to feed me such a tasty scrap.

My fluffy face looks up at you and paw goes in the air,
And then I fix you with my most adoring puppy stare.

I always do these little things when I can see you’re cross,
Cos I’m a mischief puppy and you know I am the boss.
~Yvonne Nowakowski~

THE STRAY

Monday, the old dog said that a crumb would do
Then On Tuesday the old dog asked me to make it two
Wednesday, the old dog said he'd prefer to have fish
And not on paper - he'd rather a dish!
On Thursday, the old dog said it was cold out there
So what about letting him sleep on a chair
By Friday the old dog made it perfectly clear
That he was planning to live in HERE
On Saturday night he took half my bed
And woke me up early to get himself fed
Today we'll have chicken because it is Sunday
I wonder what old dog will enjoy eating on Monday

~author unknown~

SOGGY DOGGY

Spittery-splottery-splat!!
A very good day for owning a Cat
But I have a Dog, who pulls on his chain,
enjoying our Slippery Slog in the rain.

We're finally home!
It's cozy & dry
I take off my Rain coat & let out a sigh
I'm starting to sneeze, beginning to cough.
He chooses this moment to shake himself off.

Big globules of water cascade through the air.
I'm showered; I'm soaked!!
From my toes to my hair!!

He's splashing the furniture
Drenching the rug!
Now he comes over expecting a hug!!

Spittery-splottery-splat
A Very Good day for owning a Cat!!

~Dave Crawley~
Book Of Dog Poems
http://www.amazon.ca/gp/search?index=books&linkCode=qs&keywords=1590784545

A FAITHFUL DOG

WHY OWN A DOG???

Why Own A Dog?

There's a danger you know,
You can't own just one, for the craving will grow.
There's no doubt they're addiction,
Wherein lies the danger.
While living with lot's, you'll grow poorer & stranger.

One Dog is no trouble, and two are so funny.
The third one is easy, the fourth ones a honey.
The fifth one's delightful, the sixth one's a breeze,
You find you can live with a houseful with ease.

So how 'bout another?
Would you really dare?
They're really quite easy, but oh Boy the hair.
With Dogs on the sofa & Dogs on the bed,
And crates in the Kitchen, it's no bother, you've said.

They're really no trouble, their manners are great.
What's one more Dog & just one more crate?
The sofa is hairy, the windows are crusty,
The floor is all footprints, the furniture dusty.

The Housekeeper suffers, but what do you care?
Who minds a few nose prints and a little more hair?
So lets keep a Puppy, you can always find room,
And a little more time for the dust cloth & broom.

Theres hardly a limit to the Dogs you can add,
The thought of a cutback sure makes you sad.
Each one is so special, so useful, so funny.
The Vet & food bill grows larger, you owe Big money.

Your folks never visit, few friends come to stay,
Except other "Dog Folk" who live the same way.
Your lawn has now died, & your shrubs are dead too,
But your Weekends are busy, you're off with your crew.

Theres Dog food & Vitamins, training & shots,
And entries & travel & motels which costs lots.
Is it worth it you wonder?
Are you caught in a trap?
Then that favorite one comes & climbs in your lap.

His look says you're special & you know that you will keep all the critters in spite of the bill.
Some just for showing & some just to breed.
And some just for loving. they all fill a need.

Boy, Winters a hassle, the Dogs hate it too.
But they must have their walks though they're numb & your blue.
Late evening is awful, you scream & you shout at the Dogs on the sofa who refuse to go out.

The Dogs & the Dog Shows, the travel, the bills.
The whole thing seems worth it, the Dogs are your life.

Your lifestyle has changed,
Things won't be the same.
Yes, those Dogs are addictive & so is the Dog game.

My Sunshine doesn't come from the Skies.....
It comes from My Dog's Eyes!!

PUP

We laboured at the gardening me and my little Pup
At two I planted flowers and at four you dug them up

He liked to dig, He'd bury bones and pat it down so neat
And then He'd rush in doors as clods of mud flew off his feet!

I bought a book on training and I read it all in one night and when we set off out I really thought we'd got it right

With tid bits in my coat to give him once he got the nack but he didnt so I couldnt so I ate them coming back

When I commanded heel he never seemed to take the point but galloped on half strangled pulling my arm out of joint

He jumped up peoples clothes the cleaning bills I had to pay and when i shouted here he turned and ran the other way

One day I drove him over and I gave him to my Dad who Welcomed him and trained him

But it left me very sad
So I thought I'd let you know in case a Pups in store for you That Its very wise indeed to have a Dad who likes dogs too!!!

~author unknown~
Thanks to Member Julie Haveron

GONE TO THE DOGS!

GONE TO THE DOGS

There was a time, there really was,
When I was sweet and tender;
When SHOW DOG meant a Disney Star,
and Bitch was not a gender.

I went to bed at half past ten;
I went to Church on Sunday;
On Saturday I baked the beans
And did the wash on Monday.

But then I got a certain pup,
And an erstwhile friend said, "SHOW",
And so I did and so I do,
OH! What I didn't know.

I used to dress with flair and style,
That was the life, don't knock it.
But now each dress from bed to ball
Must have a good bait pocket.

I used to have a certain air,
I wallowed in perfume,
I used to smell of Nuit D' Amour,
Now I smell like Mr. Groom.

My furniture was haut decor,
My pets a tank of guppies.
Now I've furniture unstuffed,
And well-adjusted puppies.

Once I spoke in pristine prose,
In dulcet tones and frail,
But now I'm using language,
That would turn a sailor pale.

I was taught to be well-groomed
No matter where I went.
Now all the grooming that I do
Is in the Handler's tent.

I used to long for furs and jewels
And a figure classed as super,
Now the thing I yearn for most
Is a nice new Pooper-Scooper.

I adored a man who murmured verse
Through intimate little dinners,
But now the words I thrill to hear,
Are just three - "Best of Winners"

I rise at dawn and pack the car
The road ahead's a long one.
The one I routed on the maps
Invaribly's the wrong one.

I really love this doggy life
I wouldn't care to change it.
But when I get that BEST IN SHOW.

I plan to rearrange it;
When my time on earth is done
I'll go without much nudging
Just give me three weeks closing date
and let me know who's judging.
~author unknown~

PERFECT DOG

There's no such thing as the perfect dog
People will say to you
And when it comes to Shelties -Boy, is that ever true!

Some are too big and some too small
Some hardly have any hair at all
Some are too bold and some too shy
Some have a short tail or a big round eye
Crooked legs and splayed out toes
Prick ears and hound ears and odd coloured nose -

The perfect Sheltie just can't be made
But here's one thing that's really great:

To be perfect in their owners' eyes
Shelties only need one part
And every Sheltie I ever met
Had that loving Sheltie heart.

DOGGIE DOGHOUSE

Thursday, September 17, 2009

ARCHIE & ALFIE